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Q:How do blondes' braincells die?


A: Alone.

And


One day 2 blondes walked into a tanning salon. One blonde said, " A tan for 2 please!"

The cashier said, " Ok," filled out a form for them and asked, "are you two sisters?"

They chuckled and replied, " No, we aren't even Catholic."
 

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:lol: :lol: :lol:

I like this one:





The President''s Puzzle

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.

"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"
 

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toddzilla44 said:
:lol: :lol: :lol:

I like this one:





The President''s Puzzle

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.

"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"
hahahahha LOL

Okay, I got a lame one.

What happened to the peanut when it went through the park at night?

It was assaulted.
 

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my friend made this one up (hes ADD)

Q: how many ADD people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: lets fly kites

and

Q: who has a hundred legs, and no teeth?

A: the front row at as garth brooks concert
 

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Two Blondes on their Way to Disneyland

Two Blondes were in a car and came to a fork in a road and the sign said Disneyland left...
So they turned around and went home.
 

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Alright guys, no racist jokes at all.

I quote from the official rulebook:

d. Members should remember this board is aimed at a general audience. Posting pornographic or generally offensive text, images, links, etc. will not be tolerated and will lead to a warning.
some people may find some of the previous jokes to be offending.
Please keep it clean, this is your warning, any more racist or crude jokes, and this thread will be locked.

thank you. :D
 

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go_leafs_go02 said:
Alright guys, no racist jokes at all.

I quote from the official rulebook:

d. Members should remember this board is aimed at a general audience. Posting pornographic or generally offensive text, images, links, etc. will not be tolerated and will lead to a warning.
some people may find some of the previous jokes to be offending.
Please keep it clean, this is your warning, any more racist or crude jokes, and this thread will be locked.

thank you. :D
Damn! Oh well, rules are rules. Still........... I had a great joke involving African Americans. Guess I'll keep the cat in the bad.
 

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Desert

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded in the desert because their car broke down. The redhead grabs some water, the brunette grabs some food, and the blonde grabs the car door. They began walking, when the redhead turns to the brunette and says," Why did you bring the food?" She replies, " Well in case i get hungry, i can eat it. Why did you bring water?" The redhead replies, " Well in case i get thirsty, i can drink it." Then they both turn to the blonde and say, " Why did you bring the car door?" She replies, " Well in case i get hot, i can roll down the window."
 

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Blonde in the Dr.'s office

A brunette woman goes into the dr.'s office.
She tells the Dr. : "It hurts all over my body."
He says: "point to where it hurts".
She points to her shoulder and yells "OUCH!". She then points to her hip and yells "OUCH!". Finally she points to her knee and screams in pain "OUCH!!!".
The Dr. asks her "Are you a true blonde and dyed your hair brown?"
She says: "yes, how did you know"?
He answers: "YOU HAVE A BROKEN FINGER!!!".
 

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We've had many other joke topics before and I believe I've already said this joke a couple times but anyways........

What do a preacher and The Toronto Maple LEafs have in common?

They each make 20 000 people stand up and yell....Jesus Christ
 

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Found this at another forum...

Hosipitals in Calgary report huge increase in back injuries. CBP.

Hospitals in Calgary have been swamped in the last week with a rash of mysterious back injuries. Apparently, the large majority of the injuries have been caused by Flames 'fans' digging through boxes in their basements to find their Flames jerseys, most of which haven't seen the light of day for over 10 years.
"A lot of the jerseys are buried under all the other boxes, or shoved to the farthest reaches of a crawlspace, explained Dr. Phill. It takes a lot of work to dig through 10 years of clutter, but isn't it nice to see all these great fans cheering for their beloved Flames. I myself was able to find my Flames jersey in the garage. I'd used it to clean paint brushes, but most of the stains have washed out and now I am so proud."
 

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The 1st Grader

There once was a kid named john, and his teacher was teaching the alphabet, so she told her kids to ask thier family for the first four letters of the alphabet, so little john went home and asked his mom but she was on the phone, so she said: ''Shut The Hell Up'' so john wrote it in his notebook, then john went to his dad and he was in the washroom singing: ''In The Toilet, In The Toilet'', so john wrote that down, next john went to his sister and she was day dreaming about her barbie, and wasnt paying attention so she said :''Barbie'', so he wrote that down, then finally john went to his brother and he just finished his game so he yelled YAY so john wrote that down. The next day john went to school and his teacher asked him for the first letter and he said... Shut The Hell Up, then the teacher asked him where do u think you are..? John said... In The Toilet, In The Toilet, then she asked john who do u think yhou are young man? then johnny said Barbie, by now the teacher was so mad she said.. ur going to the office young man, so he said YAY!
 

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The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
 
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