I thought I would share some of Dunfs humour
Funny stuff :lol:
Sun, March 13, 2005
WestJet, watch out
By Gary Dunford -- For the Toronto Sun
FLY ME! So apparently somebody reading this thinks you can fly from Toronto to Abbotsford, B.C., for a dollar. Hey, you're right! Book online at DunfAir and see if we go! WestJet, watch out. DunfAir is comin' thru!
Jetsgo's sullen, middle-of-the-night exit from Canadian airports has left a clear opportunity for a new discount airline that knows exactly what Canucks want. And what do they want? Fly often, pay nothing. Duh!
Somewhere between the $1 flights to Abbotsford and the $10,000 Air Canada wants for four walkup seats to Orlando this week lies the true price of air travel. Please copy, Roots Air, Greyhound and Canada 3000. You got it terribly wrong.
We are DunfAir. We care. We are the wings beneath your ass. Give us your credit cards, your dreams, your travel hopes. What was your card's expiry date again? Got it. Seats too cheap to believe? Believe. The yellow smiley-face logo is already taken. Our logo is One Big Grin. See the teeth?
But please people, read the small print on our DunfAir website, okay? Read the tiny print on all your airline deals, but especially ours ...
# Some DunfAir flights may not depart as described on posted schedule. Check terminal displays for day or month of departure. Passengers on flights to Abbotsford will be asked to complete the Why-Do-You-Even-Want-to-Go-There information document. There will be a test. See agent.
# DunfAir flights feature festival seating. First on, best seats. When your flight is called, please, no elbows. Cabin crew will not be available until the best sluggers are in their seats. Short folks under five feet, run for the rear.
# At DunfAir, we pride ourselves on being funnier than WestJet. That is why you will hear the actual pre-flight physical of all pilots on your head sets. Doctor: "When was the last time you had sex?" Pilot: "1955." Doctor: "That long ago?" Pilot: "Hey, it's only 2125 now!" We've got a million of them.
# All DunfAir seats feature premium velour at a slight additional charge. Please, no rubbing.
# DunfAir's inflight entertainment is provided by CBC Radio. There is a $25 charge to turn it off.
# In the event of any cabin pressure failure, an oxygen mask will drop from the panel directly above you. Pull cord, place mask over your face. Place own mask before assisting others. Actual flow of oxygen in any emergency is $55, payable at time of original booking. Do not be foolhardy.
# In the event of an emergency landing, passengers seated in designated exit rows need not consult safety card or pull red handle down. Exit doors are already ajar, for your convenience. Push with foot. Hold nose. Jump.
# The DunfAir in-flight gift catalog may be found in the seat pocket directly in front of you. Over-priced gizmos found there may be purchased with cash or credit card by flagging down a cabin attendant. In the event of emergency, gizmo purchasers have priority exit privileges. Allow them to flee first.
# The Santa Fe wrap--yummers, salsa-ranch dressing!--featured on Air Canada's flights from Toronto to Denver is not available on DunfAir. A piece of boot has been included under each seat. Chew. Enjoy.
# Cellphones and electronic devices may be used throughout the entire flight. Our pilots have a map.
# A shoehorn is available at all times to fit 50 cm butts into 40 cm seats. A limited number of packs of Jelly Bellies are available. Please assure your child has $10 cash, no change.
# DunfAir's low, low prices are made possible by taking random available takeoff vacancies at airports. All other planes are allowed to go first. Please, be patient. Pounding at the windows only annoys other passengers.
# Many DunfAir cabin crew members have appeared on Blind Date. Your favourites may still be available for dating, at attractive rates. For your convenience, we underpay them. Don't go nuts.
# Never remove your seat-belt until the plane has come to a full and complete stop at the terminal. If we land anywhere except the terminal, this rule is waived.
# Our DunfAir frequent flyer program has been suspended, in order to serve you better. We don't anticipate anyone will wish to fly twice.
Hey! You only paid a dollar! Cope!